Where's the limit...

Marketing always fascinates; to the extent that it makes you wonder if you really are buying something because you needed it or because you were marketed to. Take my example...I get into a retail store having a set list in my hand ably supported by the limited cash in my wallet (thanks to my dad and my bank!). Then I see this wonderful red color wrapped choclate which has been doing rounds in the tv ads for a week now. Next frame...it's in my basket.

Okay...you may try looking at this from the angle of impulse and non-impulse purchases but seriously saying, I never would have bought it had I not seen that ad. I still don't buy that 4-PM crunchy snack (Sorry Sir, I don't remember the name) because I didn't think it was well sold. The very fact that the general store near my hostel puts a discount on this snack and not on the red-color one tells me that the latter has been marketed.

But, can you sell anything and everything to any one and everyone? May be not. As famously protrayed in an advertisement in the past, you can't make women shave every day. Come on, if a bright marketer can do that, imagine the amount of opportunities for shaving companies. Pealitte can come up with a razor that is dual purpose (the reverse side for the gals). You may argue that there are razors being sold even now but they are for different 'location'. I wish to see the day when a bright marketer can make women shave their (non-existent)beard every day.

People say that marketing is the art of selling a comb to a DevaGowda. Yeah, you can go ahead and sell it to a Kirmani as well but there always is a limit to what marketing can do. It can't make you wear a watch on each of your wrists. Or can it?

The mad world of ads

Tav...washing powder Nirma....washing powder Nirma

Probably the most enduring image of my childhood. The little girl in a frock twirling to the tune of the name which was penned to be a household name for the next decade or so. I was so fascinated that everytime there was a commercial break I waited with bated breath for the little girl. And everytime, the tune started there was a smirk on my lips.

It's not the product that sells, it's the marketing that does. Ignorant, as I was at that time, I thought this was played by the television studio to give a break to the performing actors. After all, it takes time to come all the way from Switzerland (where they just went for a duet) to the shanties of Hyderabad (My initial pick was Mumbai but I was afraid of the legal tangles I would get into if I portray the Mumbai slums)

So, what's there in an ad? Almost everything in close to nothing! You get 20 sec to claim your pie of the fortune. Bet to better that! I remember my dad asking me to explain the importance of a HSBC ad where the kid gets a sprawling caterpillar and puts in a bowl much to the dismay of his mom. Only later did I realise the jargons of the ad world...target customer, message, top-of-the-mind.

Ads are the best thing to happen to the world of television. In addition to saving us from the tears of the saases and bahus, it also brings the diversity of the world within minutes. How else can you explain a frentic 5 minute ad break with ads that range from Fair-and-handsome to Pepsi to Whisper to Nike. It's very rare to find two successive ads of the same segment (err..I don't remember viewing a Nike right after Adidas or a Dil maanging more right after Tasting the thunder)

I long thought that I need to grow my hair and beard and buy a test-cricket hat to be an ad-man. Little did I realise that you need a brain for that hat that thinks sharp! The colors that we see on the screen are the result of some creativity behind for some unmistakabaly longer period. And yeah, last but not the least, thanks to all those models who made the ads what they are...entertaining and informative (Yes boss, the very reason why gals in long skirts come to explain the features of your refrigerator before inducing you to buy)....

Teacher shows an underwear advertisement where a guy runs in his undies when his girl's father turns up.

Teacher: What do you infer from the ad?

Guy: You need to be smart and keep your bike parked in an adjacent lane

Girl: You need to hide the gun before you embark on the exotic mission

Teacher(muttering to himself): And I thought that the father should have come an hour before!!!

What's in a name?

I used to hate my 10th class Hindi teacher. Not just because she never answered my queries (What is the meaning of Kacche Dhaage, Parinda, Purani Haweli - all movie names) but also because she never remembered my name. The very first class started with her re-hinduening (I fear the Dal members and so no Christening word in my blog) me as Ganesh. 

Me: Ganesh!!!! but that's not me

Teacher: Oh! But you look very much like Ganesh, your senior.

I tried to forget it as a one-off day. But, little did I know that it's just a pre-cursor to my plight. Ganesh made it to the rolls everyday and Sridhar was always absent. I wonder if the principal ever peeped into the class; he would definitely have put up a missing notice on the school board. I protested vehmently at every taken opportunity - every time.

(Roll call) Teacher: Ganesh

Me: Absent

Teacher looks up and says seriously I wouldn't tolerate any mischief

I looked down and muttered Neither would I! Wait till I pass out...

Days rolled by and I started hating Shake-sphere (the guy who wrote What's in a name! Did he not write his own name after the quote?) and my teacher too. One lucky day she got her memory back (probably returning from a long pilgrimage) and I got my name back. Though I do not remember, my friends say that they never saw an impromptu dance (and prayed that they never had to!) before.

Days rolled by and it became a memory until it got dusted after a session on branding. Why do people go for a name? Isn't it actually the product that sells? More often than not, people get associated to more than the offering on board. You give them a soap and they get addicted not just to the smile but also to the lady who showers in the ad; they get attuned to your company name so much so that a day would come when naam hi kaafi hain. 

What's in a name? There is so much...can you think of Colgate deciding overnight that it wants to be Hinduened (remember, no Christening word in my blog, never!) Tollgate just for a change. Or Lakme renamed Lakus? Well, at least not in the near future because I don't see my Hindi teacher joining these companies...

Teacher: Ganesh

Me: He's absent, teacher Anamika

Teacher: But, am not Anamika!

Me: Neither am I Ganesh!!

GOD of the market

Way back in my 4th class

My dad took me to an electronics shop to buy me a watch. I was fascinated by one piece; so much so, that I insisted on its presence in my room the very same day. Dad had to oblige. But as with all flashy things, this one showed its class for just an hour refusing to function beyond that. We went back to the shop. Dad insisted on my watch being replaced to which the owner grudgingly acceeded.

Circa 2009....things have pretty much changed and I'm no longer attracted to those little items that glow on your wrist, but one thing didn't change. My dad still knows how to get the best for the money he spends. He puts it simply - I pay for my products and I need my pay back for every penny. He knows that he rules...

And yeah I changed too. I was worried about the shop owner cursing me for coming back to him demanding a replacement. I always thought that I owed him something by buying. Hold on...I was ignorant; it's the other way round - he owes me service for buying it from him. Customer is always the GOD!!!

It's an interesting phenomena to observe - the customers' feedback. The more the repeat sales the more is the satisfaction levels. And the more the number of agitators (read, angry customers) the better your chances of getting back to home to replace your maid! Long live the customer...he defines the product, he demands the product, he gets the product and he gets the service. Agreed that there are shrewd marketers who manipulate the customers' perspectives and play around but more often than not the GOD rules...and customer is the GOD!!!

P.S. 1: If ever I used a 'he' anywhere, I meant 'she' in an equal, if not more, proportions. Same applies to any occurence of 'she' (which is as remote as Sehwag scoring a 50 of 80 balls)

The sweeteners that do the trick

I was reading an article on marketing which reminded me of my professional-laze days (days when I was paid to laze around...hmm...I was a software engineer). A regional relationship manager from a big bank (not in size, but in revenues; though I do not know whether to put that in a sheet or balance it out) used to pester me. 

Take this card sir, it will be with you free for the rest of your life. 

Free!!! I would give my life for anything that comes free of cost. Just show me where to sign!

Sure sir! I will come with the papers tomorrow. 

Least did I know that I'm about to be a value addition to the bank!

The next day he gifted me a life-time free credit card...and some add-on cards which were almost free(At just 200 per year, Sir, it's almost free) and some other stuff which did not see the light of the day (I don't even remember using my petrol pump card; I forgot that I didn't have a bike or a car or anything remote that requires petrol, when I took that). It's pretty evident...I was smoothly mainpulated into buying all these!

I didn't know that all this had a name to go by - cross-selling. You can sell ice-cream for a customer coming for a coffee; you sell bank loan to a guy who comes to buy a car and who with his money can buy you off the shop.  It's an interesting phenomena. The sweetener that makes the transaction possible puts you in a tricky position. You do not realise the aftermaths until you are lured into it.

Cross-selling is a wonderful phenomena which probably is the undercurrent in all the Coffee days and the like. And even the best of minds fall prey for this small trick. Why? Think of it next time you make an unwarranted purchase.

Sir, would you like to try our new special item called rib-ticklers? Eat one and you get 20% discount on the next purchase on the shelf. And Sir, it's completely oil-free, cholesterol-free and...

Get sold and enjoy it!!!

Why???

But why???

This is one question that's haunting me since I-don't-remember-when. 

Why do you hate Maths - because it is...it is...it is....forget it

Why do you like Bipasha - because she is...she is...she is...ahhh leave her

Then comes the big question why marketing

Flashback 2006:

Those were days when I thought that selling is marketing. When someone in the family used to say that he is in marketing, I used to pity him - He must be selling encyclopaedias in public parks or socks near public urinals. Little did I know then that I would one day get interested in this selling job and would wait patiently for attention.

Circa 2009:

Life has come a full circle. Kareena has lost her weight and gone from size 'I-don't-even-remember' to size-0. Bipasha has gone into wilderness and a bit conservative too (yeah, her dresses have lengthened by a huge 0.1 mm). And with them all, I have changed too. I learnt my lessons in marketing (thanks to Kotler, again) and with a bit of common sense understood that it just doesn't mean selling only.

Would you daze at a blue arch for hours together? If you do, then you need to visit Agra (not for the Taj Mahal, of course). But, you would certainly daze at colors arching together, going by the name Rainbow. The amalgamation of colours makes a rainbow beautiful and eye-catching. None of the seven colours (let me count and be sure; V..I..B..G..Y..O..R..yippee, 7) make the rainbow dazzling. It's the combo-pack.

The beauty of marketing, for me, is the same. The raibow of activities with challenges and attractions at every stage makes it interesting for me. A rainbow has only 7 colors (will I have to count again? No, my 15-minute Ghazini alarm hasn't struck yet) but marketing has many. Celebrate your holi with the colors of life called marketing 

What is marketing?

Okay...am not taking your interview. But think of it, isn't this the first question that's put to any one remotely associated to marketing? Thanks to the American associations and the Kotlers and Kellers of the world, we have umpteen definitions of marketing. With all due regards to them, I have a problem with all those definitions. I do not conform to any of them.

Before you get all set to sue me or abandon me, spare a thought. Did you not feel that marketing is such a huge thing to be fit into a small definition? Well, I for one, felt so. It's definitely the process that starts from conceptualizing your product to working on the attributes to developing your channels to getting it to the customer....(phew). The beauty of marketing is much more than that.

Marketing for me is everywhere. You wake up in the morning and decide to cajole your mom to get a cup of coffee though it's half past 11. You need to sell your point why you wake up late. You then realise that it's getting late for that lunch date with your loyal girl friend. You need to increase the customer satisfaction (okk...that's a very rude word to be substituted for a girl, but by no means am an MCP - male chauvinistic pig) by promoting the loyality benefits - trip to Imax with a dinner at Taj thrown in the mix.

You prepare for a meeting with your manager deciding on how to sell your points and market your thoughts. You come out of the meeting extremely pissed off with the attitude of some of the channel members (read, project mates etc)  and decide to strategise your plan. You work on an alternative channel strategy to tackle the monster at hand. You get a call from your marriage bureau and you realise that it's time to update your product portofolio.

Marketing is ubiquitous...we don the hat of a marketer every minute and we master most of the tasks. And still we look into books to understand what marketing is...